JESUS WEPT <3
-We are not alone, he is always with us, feeling everything we feel, from the joy of a new life coming into the world, all the way to the pain of a life leaving this world.
Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday dear Kamryn, Happy Birthday to youuuuu…. I so enjoy the sweet sound of my family singing loud and proud, as we watch this beautiful girl blow out SIXTEEN candles.
Time has a way of sneaking right past you! One day your nerves are being worked as you attempt to properly install an overly difficult car seat to trust with this delicate tiny life you just brought into the world, then you blink and the next thing you know your nerves are being worked even harder as you sit in the passenger seat screaming “BRAKES, BRAKES, that car is stopped!” LOL
I’m so thankful for our family that's here to celebrate this precious milestone with us, but on the other side of my family there‘s an empty seat.
Just after she got done opening her presents, my husband got up. He didn’t have to tell me what was wrong. I seen the tears in his eyes as walked by and told me he needed to go on home. I was feeling it too, but I know it’s even more intense for him. Loss is such a difficult part of life. And if you’ve suffered a significant loss, you know how much of an understatement that is. We recently lost my mother in law and it has deeply impacted our lives, as she was a big part of our day to day. She helped us with our children, they would sometimes stay with her while we worked or she’d keep my step daughter so she could go to school beside her apartment. We‘d stop by to drop things off or run errands for her so there weren’t many days to go by that we didn’t see or speak to her. We lost her so sudden and unexpectedly it was just cruel. I’m still learning to cope with this anger built up inside me because she didn‘t get to have the ending she deserved. My husband was her youngest so he was her baby and he never had a dad or anything so she was his world. I’m mad that he has to hurt like this, but the fact that he was cheated out of getting to spend those last few months by her side soaking up every last second with her just intensifies that anger and frustration.
Today is supposed to be a Happy Day. A Day of celebration with lots of smiles and laughs. And while we do have a good time, in between the laughter is spurs of drying teary eyes and nervous ticks. We miss her. We just miss her so bad. From now on there's always going to be a sadness at what would be times of celebration for us. I knew loss wasn’t easy, but unless you’ve had that first big one, you really don‘t know how hard it is. When I think about the day we found out something was wrong and she only had a few days left, I still can‘t wrap my head around it. I guess we were in shock because I can vividly remember my mind just shutting off-like, while my body just went though the motions. I know the human brain is remarkable so I wonder if that is how we are able to keep it together in times like that. Our brain just says nope, this pain is too much to bear! Then it just shuts itself down leaving our body to work on its own for a bit. Then when we do come back to ourselves that gut wrenching pain knocks the breath out of us and all we can do is cry and weep. We weep, just as Jesus wept.
Jesus knew he was going to wake Lazarus right back up, but yet when he got to where Lazarus’ body was, he wept. He didn’t just cry, he Wept. And John made sure to put a period there to empathize this. I had read this before, but I never realized why Jesus was so hurt. As much as he was God in the flesh, he was still human. He seen the pain in the eyes of all those who loved Lazarus and he knew that loss was a part of life we would all go through in some kind of way. I truly believe in that moment he felt Every bit of the pain and grief his children have felt/feel/and will feel when we suffer a big loss. As those tears streamed down his face he thought of how in the split second Eve took that apple in her hand, humanity lost the paradise God had prepared for us on Earth. Once that perfection and paradise was gone away out of our reach, we became susceptible to hardships, trials and tribulations. Life is filled with Joy, but also with pain. It is filled with Love and Laughter, but also with grief and devastation. He wept, as he felt that gut wrenching breath taking pain we feel when we experience that separation from someone we love dearly.
One good thing about this separation is that it isn’t final. As devastatingly difficult as it may be, it isn’t Good Bye Forever, it’s only Good Bye For Now. To be Absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. Their body is still here for us to properly care for after they’ve transcended on home, and some of the things we do for a loved one’s passing may seem wasteful or extreme, but it gives us a comfort that is worth far more than anyone else can know. When Mary anointed Jesus’ body with expensive oil, a few of the disciples pointed out how it could have been used to feed the hungry and help the poor. Jesus told them to let her be. This was something special to her that she had been saving for the right occasion. Because of the love she had for Jesus, she wanted to use it on him, and he made sure she got to do so. Not for his benefit, but for hers. To give her that little bit of comfort after he was gone. He is our comforter, and the only thing to cling to when these storms come. It is through him that we are able to over come. - By Grace & Through Faith <3
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